20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
