You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
