i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
NoShamevember. You game?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
