We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You've changed since you got that strap on
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
