She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
