i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
