I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
