I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
