If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
