I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
