is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
