my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
