If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize