I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
