Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we're chasing vodka with high fives
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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