I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
