Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
