So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
