Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
