Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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