she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
