I need to stop coming to work sober
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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