I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
