your thong is hanging out like whoa
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Found the puke drawer
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
