The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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