yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
