how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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