I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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