I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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