Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
