I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
