I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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