The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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