I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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