Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
