your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
