So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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