i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
