i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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