Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
