i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
