so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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