Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
