Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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