So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think a kid would responsible me up
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize