I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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