we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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