i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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