I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize
