mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
