Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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