I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Terrible idea I love it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
