I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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