this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
