I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
