My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize