i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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