i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i will never coherently bang her
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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