Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
