sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
