also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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