I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
