She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
