White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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