Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i now understand why vodka
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
