If that was your dad, he is hot
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
