I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
