he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize