i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
