your thong is hanging out like whoa
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
