Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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