she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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