It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
