I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
