im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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