she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
