Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
