So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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