i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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