thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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