Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My feet surprised me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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