all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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