next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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