i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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