I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
