just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
