a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
