just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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