So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
