my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How does it feel to date your dad?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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