So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize