Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
