...so i touched it.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
barbara walters just said penis...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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