butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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