Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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