did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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